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首页 > 雅思 > 雅思资讯 > 雅思写作 > 美国老师对雅思写作范文点评

美国老师对雅思写作范文点评

2013-02-17 00:00     作者 :    

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 中国人写的雅思写作有结构但语言不够地道;外国人写的文章够地道,但又不合适雅思的尺度,因此,市面上总找不到完美的雅思例文。如今,这里有一篇研究和教授雅思的美国教员写的一篇雅思作文范文,不妨来进修分享一下。 
  Children who grow up in families which are short of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children who are brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? 
  Some feel that the children of low income families are better equipped to deal with difficulties posed by the‘real world,when they grow up and they also believe the privileged children of wealthy families are less fit to deal with these difficulties . The implications and veracity of this argument seem self-evident, but in fact require closer examination.
  点评:1+ 1 模式,即 1 句为主题句。此段的主题句稍微有点特殊,它简直否认了前面所提到的概念,从而表达出了本身的概念,此外还引出了下文。出格是半句,感受是在抛砖引玉。 
  The popular wisdom is that children of poorer families learn early on the value of a buck, and are thus naturally better suited to stretching money when times get tough in adulthood. Inversely, the children of wealthy families, thoseborn with a silver spoon in their mouths, are believed to be completely ignorant of the value of money, having had everything provided for them in their youth and oftentimes erroneously expecting the same situation in adulthood. They are believed to be prone to overspending and financial irresponsibility. This belief, though logical, overlooks one key point which is , of course, education.
  点评: 1 +3 模式,第 1 句是主题句。从此段的内容来看,这是个让步段(即分析本身并不赞成的概念)。固然 4 段论的作文的主体段是两面会商,可是本人还是喜欢这样的写作,即主体段的概念还是有侧重的,把让步段放在前面,一句话引出下一段,这样过渡很自然,而且本身的概念也斗劲明晰。 
  The basis of this argument is, of course, knowing the value of money, and the idea that children of the poor know this, and those of the wealthy do not . Who though, is in a better position to teach their children the value of money; someone skilled in earning and keeping it, the wealthy parent, or someone who can not seem to acquire it, the poor parent? Both wealthy and poor children are equally likely to acquire an education in money, whether it is formal, or in the school of hard knocks. Conversely, both children are as likely to ignore this education. (101words)
  点评:这段的内容感受写得不够直接,还是在分析对方概念的裂痕。前面让步段已经这么写过了,那么这一段是正面地论证本身的概念。此外,需要说明的是,作者的内容还是有必然深度,可是这是要有必然的英语功底才行的。如果英语功底不行的话,建议内容不要写太深,因为那样容易造成考官看不懂你在说什么。
  A poor child may believe that one can get along, if not as easily, without wealth. A wealthy child may be well trained by a parent steeped in the knowledge of money management; the key to developing this skill is education. 
<p>  点评:一段有点像是提出解决这个问题的法子,即 education. 它没有像传统的结尾段那样简单的重申本身的概念。
  总结:作者很较着是不赞成标题问题的说法,可是作者本身是更方向穷人家的孩子呢,还是富人家的孩子呢?按照文章来看,作者是中立,他所垂青的是他们所接管的教育。整篇文章是一个中立的写法。在中,这种写法经常利用,还长短常实用的,此外,文章中有良多好词好句,出格是长句,值得模拟一下。 
 
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