It pays to communicate your love in ways that have the most meaning for your partner for Valentine's Day, the California Healthy Marriages Coalition advises.
Patty Howell, vice president of the California Healthy Marriages Coalition in Los Angeles, says candy and cards are traditional on Valentine's Day but that only works if a partner really wants candy and cards.
"If your partner craves appreciation, quality time, physical touch or acts of service like washing dishes, there is no amount of roses that will do the job; but if your partner's 'Love Language' is gifts, it makes sense to head for the florist shop," Howell says in a statement.
"The key is to know what lights your partner's fire and deliver your love that way. Otherwise, you're just spinning your wheels."
Howell and her husband, Ralph Jones, are co-authors of "World Class Marriage," which along with their workshop of the same name, has helped couples achieve emotional intimacy and lasting friendship. Howell offers the following tips to help couples maximize Valentine's Day:
-- Set goals together. There are two types of goals, those that you are both working towards, or shared goals and those that only one of you pursues, agreed-upon goals.
-- Avoid blame and public criticism.
-- Nurture the honeymoon feelings through activities that allow you to experience joy with your partner, use positive "I-Language" when giving compliments and be generous with your affection.
加利福尼亚健康婚姻联盟建议情人节送爱人的礼物不仅要饱含爱意，还要正中对方心怀。
位于洛杉矶的联盟副主席帕特•霍薇儿说糖果和卡片是情人节的传统礼物，然而如果对方对之并不感冒，则难以打动对方。
霍薇儿在一项声明里称：“如果对方想要的是赞赏，一段优美时光，亲密接触或者是诸如主动刷碗等家务活，送的玫瑰再多也无济于事。如果对方喜欢用礼物表达爱意，那么去花店则是不错的选择。”
“关键是你必须知道如何点燃对方的火花，然后与之所欲。否则反而弄巧成拙。”
霍薇儿和她的丈夫拉尔夫•琼斯共同撰写了《世界婚姻》一书，并开设了同名夫妻店，他们帮助很多人关系更亲密，友谊更长久。霍薇儿还给了他们以下情人节浪漫小贴士：
1. 一起制定目标。这里的目标指两种，一种是两人共同努力的方向，即共同目标，另一种是其中一方追求的目标，即相互达成一致的目标。
2. 避免埋怨或当众指责对方。
3. 酝酿一种蜜月般的感情，和另一半一起体验愉悦和幸福，不要吝啬你的溢美之词去赞美对方。
