Breakups. Even the most amicable of parting ways can sting. When mourning the end of a relationship, be sure to avoid the following “don’ts” of breakup etiquette.

 

分手了。即便是以最和平的方式还是会感到刺痛。在为一段关系的结束而难过时，别忘了分手的规矩，千万别做下面这9件事。

 

1. Pretend you’re fine.

假装你很好

Let yourself mourn. Cry. Punch a pillow. Journal. Surround yourself with friends who listen. The temptation may be to pretend you’re unaffected by the breakup; don’t let pride get in the way of being real. You don’t have to sob at the office, but take some quiet moments to reflect and be honest with yourself. It’s okay to be angry, hurt or humiliated. It’s healthier to express yourself honestly than grow numb.

允许自己伤心、哭泣、摔打枕头、写日记、向周围的朋友倾诉。有时候你也许想假装自己面对分手若无其事；别让自尊心掩盖了真实的自己。不是说让你在办公室啜泣，但是可以静一静，给自己点时间坦诚地面对自己。感觉愤怒、痛苦或羞愧都是正常的。和伪装麻木相比，真诚地表现自我更健康。

 

2. Try to be just friends

试着做“普通朋友”

Very rarely can a breakup lead to a solid friendship, and until you’re okay with the idea of your ex dating someone new, you’re not ready to be pals.

分手后的情侣很少有能成为真正的朋友，直到你可以接受前任另寻新欢了，在此之前你们并没有准备好成为朋友。

Create intentional space for a while and let yourself mourn the end of the relationship. If your ex is pushing for friendship, stand your ground if you’re uncomfortable with the idea. Right now, you’re not looking for a friend who looks exactly like the person who broke your heart.

刻意保持一段时间的距离，允许自己为这段关系的结束而伤心。如果前任想要和你做朋友，而这让你感到不悦，就坚持自己的立场。现在你并不需要和一个曾经伤了你的心的人做朋友。

 

3. Seek revenge.

寻求报复

Don’t key his car, kidnap his cat, or destroy his stuff. And never, ever do something that could land you in legal trouble. (If you share the lease, deal with it like responsible adults. Don’t lock him out.)

别刮花他的车，绑架他的猫，或者破坏他的东西。而且千万千万不要做那些可能给你带来法律上麻烦的事情。（如果你们之前共同租房，像一个负责人的成年人那样去处理这个问题。别把他锁在门外。）

The thrill of revenge only feeds bitterness and hatred. You may have been deeply wronged, but “getting even” won’t heal any wounds. Forgive and move on. Carry your head high and spend your energy on people who deserve it.

报复只会换来苦涩和憎恨。你也许被伤得很深，但“扯平”并不会治愈你的伤痕。原谅他然后继续前行。昂起头，把工夫花在那些值得的人身上。

 

4. Communicate. In any format.

任何形式的来往

You broke up last week, but you still “have thoughts” you want to process with the ex. You pick up your phone. Something makes you laugh on your way to work. Your first instinct? Text your ex about it. Don’t.

你们上周分手了，但你还“有些想法”想和前任说。你拿起了电话。你在上班路上遇到了好笑的事情。你的反应是给前任发短信？别这样做。

There will be times when it’s important to communicate with an ex. Maybe you need to return his things. Maybe you have to deal with a shared lease, or pet custody. Resist the urge, however, to call or text whenever you would have when you were still dating.

 

总有些时候有些重要的事你想和前任谈谈。也许你要把他的东西还给他；也许你要处理一下你们合租的房子，或是宠物的归属。然而你要对抗这种冲动，不要像你们分手之前那样，给他打电话或者发短信。

Breakups create voids. Ask a close friend if you can call him/her every time you would usually reach out to your ex. Recruit a support system of friends and family to help you fill the time normally spent with a significant other. Many people feel lost after a breakup; not because they miss their ex, but because so many of their daily habits once revolved around someone else. Give yourself some time to adapt to single life.

分手会带来空虚。每当你想和前任联系时，问一个亲密的朋友，能否改为给他/她打电话。向一帮朋友和家人寻求支援，让他们帮助你填补那些通常会和那个他/她度过的时光。许多人在分手后感到失落，并不是因为他们多想念前任，而是因为他们的很多日常习惯都曾经只围绕着那一个人。给自己一些时间，适应单身生活。 

 

5. Beg for reconciliation.

乞求复合

Yes, dogs can get away with begging. But you can't. Maybe you don’t understand why it ended. Maybe you think it ended for the wrong reasons. Maybe you’d just rather be in a bad relationship than be in no relationship at all. Instead of clinging to lost hope, find a wise friend who can help you walk through the reasons why you’re having a hard time letting go.

是的 ，狗狗们的乞求也许管用，但是你不能这样做。也许你还不明白你们为什么会分手；也许你认为你们分开的理由是错误的；也许你宁愿维持这段糟糕的关系也不愿意单身一人。与其纠缠于这些无谓的念想，不如找一个有智慧的朋友，他/她会帮你认识到为什么要放手，让那些艰难的时刻过去。

Don’t beg for him/her to return. Deep down, you know that you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone you had to beg to be with you. Besides, if your ex rejects you a second time, it won’t just hurt; the rejection will sting with extra humiliation and regret.

别乞求他/她回心转意。事实上你清楚，自己并不想和一个乞求得来的人在一起。此外，如果你的前任再次拒绝了你，那就不止是伤心了：他/她的拒绝会带着屈辱和懊悔一起刺痛你。

 

6. Facebook-stalk your ex.

在社交网络上监视前任

Social media can be dangerous when dealing with heartache. Give yourself two rules: Don’t post anything about the breakup drama online, no matter how vague, and resist the urge to stalk your ex. “Defriending” or at least hiding statuses can help you avoid the constant temptation to check in and see if your ex is living a life more miserable — or worse, more awesome — than yours.

说到分手后的心痛，社交媒体就变得危险起来。告诉你两条规矩：别在网上发布任何和分手有关的内容，哪怕措辞再模糊也不行；还有就是一定要克制住监视前任的冲动。对前任“取消关注”或者至少保持隐身，可以帮助你抵制住查看他/她状态的诱惑。不要去关心你的前任是过得比你更伤心、更糟糕还是更好。

 

7. Get a haircut — or tattoo.

剪发或纹身

Make no drastic changes for a while. It’s easy to make rash decisions post-breakups. One major change in your life can inspire even more change. If you have a tattoo-design epiphany in the days following heartache, wait a few months before acting on it. Wait until you’re emotionally back on your feet.

暂时不要做出重大改变。分手后很容易做出草率的决定。生活中一个大的改变可以激发更多的改变。如果你在伤心的时候想去弄个纹身，等几个月再说吧。至少等你的情绪平复一些。

Hair grows back, but be warned: a bad bowl cut can hurt your already-bruised confidence. Don’t kick yourself when you’re down.

头发还可以再长，但要小心：一个糟糕的发型可以打击你本来就受伤的自信。别在难过的时候再来糟蹋自己了。 

 

8. Give up.

灰心丧气

She wasn’t the one. He made you feel like nothing. Don’t let a breakup destroy hope. Continue taking care of yourself. Take some time to refocus and pursue the things you’ve always loved to do. Spend time with loved ones. Love isn’t a one-shot-only experience.

她不是对的那个人。他让你感觉一无所有。别让分手摧毁你的希望。继续关爱自己，花些时间，去重新关注和追求那些你一直喜爱的事情。和你爱的人们在一起。爱情的体验绝不仅仅是一次。

Learn what you can from the relationship that just ended and move forward. Don’t give up on meeting your perfect match. Be thankful that the wrong relationship ended to free you up for the right one.

从刚刚结束的这段关系里总结经验，然后继续前行。别放弃寻找完美的另一半。要感谢这段错误关系的终结给你自由，让你去寻找那个对的人。