小作文(Task one)在雅思写作中虽然只占据了三分之一的分数配比,但是如果因为忽视了评分标准的硬性要求或者不注重写作细节而造成无意义的丢分,也是得不偿失。
本文将根据雅思写作的四项评分标准,逐一列举出每项评分标准中的一些烤鸭们频繁出现的失误,并且提出对应的修改方法。希望广大辛勤的烤鸭们避开雷区,尽早屠鸭上岸。
评分标准之任务的完成度(Task Achievement)
常见问题:概括写成了细节
小作文题目对我们的要求如下:“Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.”
通过任务要求我们可以看到,我们既要概括图表信息,又要筛选细节,还得在相关的地方作比较。三个任务都完成,才可以在这项评分标准得到6的起评分。而概括图表信息时,考生经常会把细节和数据加入去,结果掉到了5分的深渊(如果5分就够了当我没说过这话)。
问题示例
The chart manifests that the electricity produced and consumed in China and United States in 2014 considerably overtook the other eight countries, reaching 5398 billion kWh and 4099 billion kWh in production, 5322 billion kWh and 3866 billion kWh in consumption respectively.
问题分析
从句子的写作其实可以看出,这位考生的英语基础其实不错,但是在前半句概括的部分(中国和美国的电力生产和消耗于其他几个国家的对比)写完之后,又用reaching加了详细的数据描写。这种画蛇添足反而讲原本能拿到的6分硬生生降到了5分*。
*评分标准TA部分细则
6分> presents an overview with information appropriately selected
5分> recounts detail mechanically with no clear overview
修改建议
Generally, the chart manifests that the electricity produced and consumed in China and United States in 2014 considerably overtook the other eight countries.
总结:写overview即进行图表概括的时候,不要添加数据支持,加了数据就不是不是不是概括了。
评分标准之连贯和衔接(Coherence and Cohesion )
常见问题:缺代词、多重复
问题示例
In 1980, festival was the most popular attraction,which accounted for 30% in 1980. The percentage of England people who visited festival decreased from 30% in 1980 to 28% in 2010.
问题分析
读完这两句话大家的感觉应该是“真啰嗦”。没错,在连贯和衔接的评分中,5分的档位这样描述:“may be repetitive because of lack of referencing and substitution.”这里啰嗦的原因之一就是没有使用代词,比如在festival就出现了两次。修改也很简单,改成this place就可以。显得繁琐的第二个原因就是1980年数据的重复,把第二次出现的数据删掉即可。
修改建议
In 1980, festival was the most popular attraction,which accounted for 30% in 1980. During the following three decades, the percentage of England people who visitedthis place decreased to 28% in 2010.
总结:重复出现的名词尝试用适当的代词代替,重复出现的数据在合适的衔接手段的帮助下省略掉。
评分标准之词汇(Lexical Resources)
常见问题:缺乏度和捉襟见肘的同义替换
问题示例:缺乏度
The proportion of people who visited pavilion increased from its lowest point at 23% in 1980 to its peak at 45% in 1995
问题分析
句子里说“从点上涨到点“,这里明明是很大的涨幅,却只用了increase这个看不出幅度大小的词,显得缺乏有效性。想象一下你从班级吊车尾考到了年级的场景,简单的”我的成绩提高了“应该展示不出你激动的心情。
修改建议
The proportion of people who visited pavilionsoared/surged from its lowest point at 23% in 1980 to its peak at 45% in 1995.
问题示例:缺少同义替换
因为篇幅的问题,暂不展示缺少同义替换的样文。但是我们可以回顾自己在写作时比较困扰的点在哪里。我最常被问到的就是:在表示趋势的句子中加入时间只会用from…to…怎么办?
下面是一些可参考的替换方法:
例:1998-2008
From 1998 to 2008
Between 1998 and 2008
Over the selected time scale
Over the recorded time
During the period of ten years
Over this decade
总结:篇幅太小,可学的太多。词汇重在积累,不要觉得微不足道,有时候细节决定了成败。
评分标准之语法(Grammatical Range and Accuracy)
常见问题:主谓不一致;时态不一致;主语和谓语动词不搭
其实相比于大作文,小作文的语法要求真的没有那么高,总结下来能用的句法不多,但是考生们能犯的错误真的不少。
问题示例:主谓不一致
The six pie charts compares the water use in six regions…
问题分析
想象一下,这个开头段的句就出现了这样的语法错误,考官对咱们得是啥印象?这种感觉好比见到了期盼已久的相亲对象,却眼就发现了对方牙缝里塞了菜叶。你可能说,“老师,这种低级错误我不会犯的。“ 那我就劝你,年轻人,话不要总说太满。
修改建议
The six pie charts compare the water use in six regions…
问题示例:时态不一致
The bar chart compares the number of hours for five selected sports outside school among boys and girls in Australia in 2010. Overall, it is clear that football and basketball are more popular in boys, while the reverse was true for swimming, net and no sports.
问题分析
开头改写呈现的信息很完成,并且指明是2010年的事情,这里建议用一般过去式。而且,一会儿过去,一会现在,你到底想怎样?
修改建议
The bar chart compares the number of hours for five selected sports outside school among boys and girls in Australia in 2010. Overall, it is clear that football and basketballwere more popular in boys, while the reverse was true for swimming, net and no sports.
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