The secret of success may be a spouse who stands at your side - but keeps out of the way, psychologists claim.

 

Whether you are the Prime Minister, or simply trying to stick to a diet, the best support comes from those who offer practical help without making a fuss.

 

New research suggests that, contrary to the traditional image, a loving and supportive partner can sometimes get in the way of achieving your goals.

 

The more supportive they are, the more the other person relies on them - and by doing so makes less of an effort themselves, says the US study in the journal Psychological Science.

 

Researchers Grainne Fitzsimons and Eli Finkel describe the process as "self-regulatory outsourcing" - the unconscious reliance on someone else to move your goals forward, coupled with a relaxation of your own effort.

 

It is most common when someone has a partner urging them forward but can equally apply to friends and family members, they claim.

 

It is better to offer unobtrusive help behind the scenes, much as Denis Thatcher did for his Prime Minister wife and as Samantha Cameron appears to do for the current PM, said Dr Fitzsimons.

 

"Our study shows there are positive and negative consequences to being supportive, but you can be subtle about it rather than being bossy," she said.

 

"For example, you can offer to babysit so your partner can get to the gym or take over the chores before an important meeting, and these contributions make the relationship stronger."

 

The researchers came to their conclusions after three online experiments involving 216 people, focusing on the ways partners supported their loved ones.

 

心理学家称成功的秘诀是一个永远陪伴你、支持你的伴侣，而且不会碍事儿。

 

上至首相，下至努力减肥的普通人，的支持就是默默无闻地给你实在帮助的人。

 

美国一项新研究表明，和传统观念相左，一个爱你支持你的伴侣有时可能阻碍你实现目标。

 

这篇发表在《心理科学》期刊上研究表明，他们越支持，另一半就会越依赖，进而减少努力的程度。

 

研究者格兰妮•菲茨西蒙斯和埃利•芬克尔称此过程为"自调外包"，即不自觉的依赖他人去实现自己的目标，有所松懈。

 

他们说，特别是当对方习惯敦促别人，甚至对亲戚朋友也是如此的时候，这种情况最为常见。

 

菲茨西蒙斯博士说，的是在幕后提供一些间接的帮助，就像前英国首相撒切尔夫人的丈夫丹尼斯•撒切尔，或者在位的英卡梅隆首相卡梅隆的妻子萨满莎一样。

 

“我们的研究表明支持也有积极和消极的双面影响，可以采取温和的方式，而不是咄咄逼人。”

 

“例如，可以在对方运动的时候照看孩子，在重要会议前承担家务琐事，这些小事却能让关系更加稳固。”

 

研究者们在网上对216人做了调研后得出了以上结论，重点关注了夫妻应如何支持对方。